Depressed Asperger's Thoughts and Whatever

Not trying to be edgy but I guess this is  kinda edgy. Ever since I was a child I've had a void in me. I was always chasing after objects, people, trying to fill it. But it never closes, just keeps getting bigger.

That's all for the report... I'm too tired for anything else because I haven't been getting any decent sleep for a long time... My therapist would be disappointed in me, ahah...

In a land far far away, somewhere I don't like to go: a Church I had to go attend my nephew's baptism, keeping family ties blah blah blah. All was good until we all go eat at a restaurant they've reserved and they're like: I just hung down my head in shame, I have no answers to give... They always put me on the spot and I hate it. I don't hate them, but it's really frustrating and it makes me feel worse about myself.

It's probably just part of going to bed late. I'm just feeling like a potato, a very sad melting potato. Why do I keep doing the same mistakes. Bad potato! (me)

The muscle pain from kickboxing is kicking in. And it's supposed to be a hot day but I feel cold, really cold, but that's to be expected. Damn, why does that have to come with this condition?

Expectations and Pressure are not only exclusive to family, I had a lot of expectations for myself and find that I'm always pressuring myself. 5 Year old me would break into tears seeing me now.

Thus I write here something. I just spent my day depressed not doing anything. All I did was stare at my screen and try to look for something to do. To no avail because I've grown bored or don't have the energy/motivation to play a game. Yep, I do this all day...... more often than not, it's not a Lonely Sunday exclusive.

It's what I started calling every Sunday where I'm alone in my house. That part doesn't bother me as much as having to socialize with my late father's side of the family since our houses are connected and idk how to cook... I'm pretty useless and they'd get mad if I'm here alone and don't want to eat with them. So not much choice there. I'm also so sleepy... I haven't been getting any sleep because I don't want tomorrows to come. We just get older. And I'm just wasting away. "Manage me, I'm a mess."

I want the power to go get a driver's license. But I don't have the courage or motivation or inspiration or w/e. I hate myself Don't actually harm yourself!